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I Love Rob Zombie, But...

When you don't want to spit out the macaroni and cheese but it's just too hot to chew.

I am going to straight-up confess to a little professional jealousy here. I'm going to say that I hope you think that everything I say is wrong. I support this artist so much that I have every album from White Zombie and Rob Zombie, and every one of his movies as well. I have defended and loved and cherished every little thing he's ever done except for The Lords Of Salem and dammit I really tried to like that one.

Let me also tell you where I'm coming from. I'm actually in the music business in the real world. I've seen Rob live a half dozen times and White Zombie once. I could post a picture of myself with him right now, but I need to keep my identity secret for professional reasons.

Now let's get to it. I find it crazy that every single horror site out there is "reviewing" the new Rob Zombie album. First off, you're a horror site and secondly, well, this album isn't that good. This album sounds like Rob Zombie has been listening to too much Rob Zombie (and a bunch of White Zombie too). Now understand, I'm not just about the radio stuff and in fact, my favorite Zombie track is "Jesus Frankenstein" from 2010 (and if I get a White Zombie track too, I'll take "Black Sunshine). What I'm saying is that the sequencer-riff-metal-groove thing sounds a little paint by the numbers. As a matter of fact, the tambourine on the track "King Freak" below deserves to be parodied like the cowbell on Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear The Reaper". Can someone please tell Rob that the tambourine might be the last metal of all instruments right behind the recorder? I know he wants to mix up that 70's biker movie vibe with 90's metal, but damn dude, let John 5 throw something in there (I dare you to listen to the track below and TRY to ignore the tambourine).

I am going to do my best to reverse my call on this one (and the last one was a little rough too). I hope many of you enjoy the heck out of it. I just want you to know the horror sites out there are riding Zombie's jock so they can score an interview if he makes another horror movie, and not because this album is anything to write home about.

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